• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • About/Hire Me
    • About Me
    • Hire Me
    • Contact
    • Family
    • Faith
    • FAQ
    • My Running Story
    • Recipes
  • Disney
  • Fitness
    • runDisney Information Page
    • Fitness
    • Races
  • Parenting
  • Travel

Through Heather's Looking Glass

  • Disney
  • Fitness
  • Travel
  • family
  • About Me

Dealing with Negative People Online (and taking my own advice)

November 16, 2015 | blogging, Faith, Mental Health, motivation

A couple of weeks ago, I had the privilege of speaking at Refresh Summit South on dealing with negativity on social media/blogging, whether it be someone being negative towards you, or falling into the comparison trap and having negative feelings about yourself. I have been meaning to blog about the two main points I discussed with the ladies in attendance, but I just wasn’t sure exactly how to go about turning a talk into words, and due to an unpleasant exchange with a neighbor on Friday, I decided to use it as an example for a blog post on one of my two main points.

negative people

Being real here. One thing that I struggle with is holding my tongue. It’s a constant battle, and it’s one of the reasons why I enjoy blogging (I can go back and edit before hitting send.) Even with that filter of sorts in place, I still get myself in trouble from time to time for things that I say, that I really should just keep to myself. I can get angry in a hurry, and instead of giving myself time to think and cool down, I often spout off and it ends up leading to more damage. The Bible is clear on this, and says we should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (James 1:19), but boy is this one tough for me!

quick to listen

You can make fun of me for a lot of things and I will let it roll off my back, but to state something about my husband or my child as a fact that is NOT true, is something I have a hard time biting my tongue about. Without going into too much unnecessary detail, here is my own learning moment:

Our neighborhood has it’s own private Facebook group, which in theory is awesome, but sometimes not so awesome because as of late it has turned into a huge gripe fest. People complaining about folks speeding, running stop signs, dogs pooping in their yard etc. All of these things are valid complaints, but really, blasting your neighbors online for speeding it’s well, very neighborly, and we have had some issues with some not so friendly folk posting negative things. Anyway, somehow, on Friday there was an assumption made about my husband that was NOT true, and it turned into a nasty argument between me and a lady in my neighborhood I don’t really know. Come to find out from other neighbors letting me know, this is not the first time this particular neighbor has been less than neighborly. Part of me felt good about it, knowing that other people were “on my side” in letting me know how difficult this person is in general, but then I realized that honestly, I probably just should have kept my mouth shut to begin with and not even engaged with her, and it could have avoided a long morning of frustration.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is exactly the kind of situation I spoke about at Refresh Summit (how to get through/avoid/act kindly in) and here I was doing THE EXACT OPPOSITE. It all happened so fast I didn’t put two and two together and then realized I had messed up. If I had followed my own advice, maybe it would have had a different outcome, and hopefully I have learned from this and will be quick to listen and slow to speak next time. Instead of what I did, the following are things I should have done (things I shared at Refresh Summit for dealing with bullies/negative people online).

unnamed (15)

1.) Realize you aren’t going to change them: I an usually spot someone pretty set in their ways from the beginning of a conversation, but my desire to defend myself can get in the way of realizing that no matter what I say or try to “prove”, people like this are just not going to change. It doesn’t matter if the facts are right in front of you, they will argue with you until the cows come home, so it’s wise to just save your breathe and realize nothing you say is going to change them.

2.) Don’t feed the animals: With a desire to be right and people please, this one can be tough. Not engaging or “feeding the animals” is a good tactic for keeping the peace. Sometimes it’s just best not to get involved. There have been so many times in my “blog life” where I have wanted to set the record straight or stand up for myself, but I knew that in doing so it would just add fuel to the fire, and I am glad I chose to ignore in the end. When I engage, I usually end up saying something I will regret later.

3.) Get some perspective: Perspective is a funny thing. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in being the victim we forget that a lot of people lash out because they themselves are or were at one time, victims. Hurt people hurt people. If you can take a step back and remember that simple statement, that those hurting themselves in turn hurt others, and instead of getting angry, feel sorry for the person, it will start to soften your heart towards them and help diffuse frustration.

4.) Forgive: There have been times in my blogging and social media life where people have really hurt my feelings. I still remember a very specific time where I was on a run replaying something someone had said to me online over and over in my head, trying to figure out why people are so mean to those they don’t really know, when I suddenly felt like I was supposed to forgive them. Through gritted teeth (because yall, I really didn’t WANT to forgive them) I said out loud “I forgive you, and Lord HELPE to really mean it”. I had such an overwhelming freeing feeling come after that prayer. it was SO hard to say and it took awhile to work up to, but once I let go of it, the anger and frustration had no power over me anymore. After all, the Bible calls us to forgive others, just as God forgave us (Mark 11:25).

5.) Move on: This one usually takes me a little bit of time, but moving on helps diffuse the anger that comes with seeing and hearing negative things about us. Remember that not everyone is going to think just like you, or be your BFF, and that’s ok. We are all so different, and some people just are going to flat out not get along with you. Move on, and as queen Elsa would say, LET IT GO! I know I know, so much easier said than done, but your heart will thank you if you can move past it and not dwell on it or let your thoughts constantly go back to a wrong done to you.

I hope someone finds these tips helpful, and please know that if you ever need to talk to anyone about any of these issues, I would be more than happy to oblige. Email me any time at heatherslookingglass@gmail.com Have a great Monday!

QOTD: Which of these 5 things do you struggle with most? Have you ever been the victim of online negativity?

Like this:

Like Loading...

Sign up for my newsletter

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Lisa @ RunWiki says

    November 16, 2015 at 8:13 am

    Love these tips Heather. I’ve been very fortunate to not have too many haters, but they pop up from time to time. This is exactly how I would deal with them. Most of the time I just send them a silent prayer and let it go. There are some unhappy people out there and they love to use the internet to hurt people. Great tips!

    • Heathers Looking Glass says

      November 16, 2015 at 12:12 pm

      very true. Glad you have a good attitude about it!

  2. Kathryn @ Dancing to Running says

    November 16, 2015 at 9:04 am

    So sorry to hear that you had an unfortunate encounter with your neighbor. So many people are so nosy, and I often wish more people would just mind their own business.

    • Heather says

      November 16, 2015 at 2:56 pm

      I have a love/hate relationship with the neighborhood FB page for that very reason!

  3. Haley says

    November 16, 2015 at 9:11 am

    Love this, Heather. Its so hard NOT to engage, especially when you know someone’s assumptions are wrong and you so badly want to correct them. A few years back when I blogged regularly, I was mentioned a bit on an online forum about bloggers… I mean, they were calling Blake a “parasite” and saying that I needed to break up with him and someone even said they didn’t agree with us getting married but they would probably be invited to the wedding…what?! Who on this forum felt they were close enough to me that they would be invited to my wedding, but yet talked so poorly about me?
    Of course, I couldn’t take it and I went on and defended myself. It only made matters worse and made me look like an utter joke. I’ve since learned my lesson! It’s really made me prioritize even the small stuff.
    This was a great reminder!

    • Heather says

      November 16, 2015 at 2:56 pm

      Ug so awful. I SO badly have wanted to “set the record straight” but figured it would end badly. 🙁 So sorry you had a bad experience, too.

  4. Pam says

    November 16, 2015 at 11:52 am

    Obviously there are good and bad people in all walks of life, be they in your neighborhood or online scrutinizing your blog. Unfortunately, if you have a blog that is a source of income, I think it sets you (bloggers in general) up for negative comments. When we started our blog several years ago, we wanted to do it basically for ourselves and we have turned down all offers to make any income from the blog. Of course we have reviewed a few products provided to us that are of interest, but we are very particular. Unfortunately, presence on social media seems to give people the ability to hide behind their computer and say whatever they want with little regard to the consequences. Just my two cents!

    • Heather says

      November 16, 2015 at 11:55 am

      In your opinion, what is the correlation between getting income from your blog and getting negative comments? Most of the negative comments I get are about my parenting style, where I choose to travel to, and things like that.

      • Pam says

        November 16, 2015 at 2:03 pm

        I’m not sure the exact correlation, but I do think the mean people can’t be bothered with little blogs. I have seen some nasty comments on bigger blogs, so assumed that was the case. Perhaps I am incorrect.

        • Heather says

          November 16, 2015 at 2:04 pm

          Definitely not saying you are incorrect, I was just curious to hear more from your viewpoint! I’m always learning :oP

  5. Rachael @ Catch Me if You Can says

    November 17, 2015 at 3:10 pm

    we have the same kind of neighborhood group on facebook and same story its filled with people complaining and calling other people out and being nasty. i did have one neighbor complain about our house one year and it took every once of strength not to blast them back, because your right its probably not going to do any good anyway.

  6. Jennifer says

    November 17, 2015 at 7:18 pm

    The town we moved into has several closed FB groups and they make me roll my eyes so hard some days. I really have to just close the computer lest I chew someone out. I just ask myself if it’s really worth it…and it never is but it’s difficult to make that realization when you’re in the heat of the moment.

Primary Sidebar

I am Heather Montgomery, a 30 something southern girl living in Knoxville, Tennessee with my husband Bobby, 10-year-old daughter Emma Kate, and our goldendoodles Dolly and Luna. I’m just a regular girl who likes to workout, travel, hang with my family, text, and eat chips and queso. Be sure to check out my “about me” page for more info!
Thank you for visiting, and feel free to contact me with questions, (or for PR inquiries or press trip invites) at Support@HeathersLookingGlass.com.

Please, no guest post requests. 🙂

More about me

Privacy Policy

You can also find me here:

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Recent Posts

  • Family Fun in Tuscaloosa: Your Ultimate Getaway Beyond Game Day
  • 5 Reasons to Try a New Way of Travel
  • Experience Superhero-Sized Fun at Gaylord Opryland DC Summer
  • Digital Nomads: Safely Working Remotely While You Roam
  • Tips for Surviving (and Thriving) as a Travel Ball Mom

 

Search

How to Start a Blog

How to start a blog
We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
  • Disney
  • Fitness
  • Travel
  • Family
BACKSTORY TIME! 🚘 I drove the same Toyota 4Ru BACKSTORY TIME! 🚘 

I drove the same Toyota 4Runner for 14 1/2 years. Last October, we got a good deal on a Highlander platinum with 10,000 miles on it from @foxtoyota. 

The only problem is, I wanted the Grand Highlander platinum, because it has way more cargo room, legroom, and some other features that the regular Highlander doesn’t have. I thought that’s what we were getting, but it wasn’t available and we ended up with the regular Highlander, which don’t get me wrong, I was very grateful for after driving the same car for so long.

However, as the months went on, the differences were very noticeable, especially with how much we travel and the lack of space. Without me knowing, Bobby had been doing research and working with the wonderful folks at Fox, and was able to find us a brand new Grand Highlander platinum. 

He had hoped it would arrive for my birthday, but it was a couple weeks late, which was totally worth it. He’s usually really bad at surprising me (my 40th birthday party a couple weeks ago was supposed to be a surprise, but I found out.) so I was truly in shock and speechless when I came home and this new car, which we named Ruby, was in the garage!

@bobbymontg may not be the most romantic guy, but he shows his love in ways that he knows I appreciate. Best birthday gift ever! 🩷

#toyota @toyotausa #lovemytoyota #grandhighlander #toyota2025 #foxtoyota
ad ✨Back-to-school gift hack you’ll actually w ad ✨Back-to-school gift hack you’ll actually want to do! 🎁✏️ 

While grabbing a few things at Walgreens, I picked up a Kohl’s gift card and turned it into the cutest teacher gift — a mason jar wrapped in ribbon, full of pencils with a tag that says “This year is going to be on point.” 🎯 

It’s simple, thoughtful, and super practical — because who doesn’t love a gift they can actually use? 

Walgreens makes it so easy to grab @incommpayments gift cards for everyone on your back-to-school list — from teachers to even yourself (because let’s be real, moms need a win too 😉). 

👉 Tap here to shop gift cards now: https://bit.ly/InCommWalgreens See gift card for terms, conditions, and applicable fees. 

#BackToSchoolWithGiftCardsFromWalgreens 
#BackToSchoolGifts #WalgreensFinds #InCommGiftCards #TeacherGiftIdea #KohlsGiftCard #MomHacks #GiftCardDIY
🚨 First look at what’s coming to Norwegian Cr 🚨 First look at what’s coming to Norwegian Cruise Line’s private island paradise — Great Stirrup Cay! (#ad) 

Think: 
✅ A massive heated pool+ swim up bar 
✅ A new beach tram to explore with ease 
✅ Splash zones for the kids + chill zones for adults 
✅ A stunning new arrival experience … and that’s just the beginning. 

👀 🤫 This island is about to be the ultimate escape - and you heard it here first. 🏝️💦 Check out more info at the 🔗 in my bio. 

Tag your cruise crew and start planning now. ✈️⛴️ 

#NCLPartner #GreatStirrupCay #CruiseLife #IslandUpgrades #BucketListBeaches #CruiseGoals #EscapeToTheGreatLife @norwegiancruiseline
✨ LUXURY KITCHEN G I F T I N G ✨ I’ve team ✨ LUXURY KITCHEN G I F T I N G ✨ 

I’ve teamed up with @best.day.ever.giveaways and some amazing accounts to make this blessing possible for someone. 

I N C L U D E S: 
Caraway Cook Set 
Frigidaire Nugget Ice Maker 
KitchenAid
Caraway Wooden Utensils Set
Ceramic Casserole Dish Set 

👇T O  E N T E R👇

1️⃣ F O L L O W @best.day.ever.giveaways and everyone they  f o l l o w 
2️⃣ L I K E + save this reel 
3️⃣ T A G a friend

⭐️ B O N U S ⭐️ 
1️⃣ C O M M E N T  your favorite item
2️⃣ S H A R E  to your stories and tag @best.day.ever.giveaways (counts once a day) 

Ends on 7/31 at 11:59 pm EST.  The randomly chosen recipient will be announced by @best.day.ever.giveaways on 8/1 
•
This is not affiliated with Instagram or any of the brands pictured. Must be 18+ to enter. Open USA/Canada.
Guess I’m above average. 💁🏻‍♀️😆 Guess I’m above average. 💁🏻‍♀️😆

#disneycreators #disneyadult #disneymeme #disneymillenial #disneymom
I guess I’m just above average. 💁🏻‍♀️

#disneyadult #disneycreators #disneymom #disneymillenial #disneymeme
Ready to make your next beach getaway effortless a Ready to make your next beach getaway effortless and unforgettable? 🏖️☀️

@BeachballProperties offers a wide variety of vacation rentals from Orange Beach to Gulf Shores and Perdido Key. Whether you’re looking for a cozy condo, a beachfront home, or something big enough for the whole family!

They take care of everything—from booking to check-in and even local recommendations—so all you have to do is show up and enjoy the sunshine. 🌴

✨ Locally owned
✨ Family operated
✨ Exceptional service
✨ Sparkling clean rentals
✨ Close to restaurants, attractions & of course... the beach!

Let Beachball Properties take the stress out of planning, so you can focus on making memories that last a lifetime. 🎉🌊

✈️ And now, getting to the beach is easier than ever, especially for my Knoxville friends! @allegiant now has a non stop flight from Knoxville that is only 1.5 hours long! Be sure to check their website to see what other nonstop flights they have added! 

Use code HEATHERSLG when you book the 🔗 in my bio (look for the pic of this reel cover!) 

#BeachballPropertiesPartner #BeachballProperties  #OrangeBeachAL #VacationRental #BeachTrip #FamilyTravel #BeachHouseVibes #WindwardPointe504 #ALbeachblogger

Copyright © 2025 · Through Heather's Looking Glass · Theme by Bella Creative Studio

%d