Sunny Tuesday! I don’t know about you, but the sun puts me in such a good mood! Anyone else? I thought today would be a good day to blog about a topic I have yet to talk about on the blog, the negative Nancy’s of the world. I try to be upbeat and fun on the blog, but I am also honest. I do realize life is not all rainbows and butterflies, but I try not to dwell on the negative.
There are certain topics I keep off the blog due to their controversial nature. Sure, I love a little good natured debating, but I try to be careful when it comes to certain things. I am not out to hurt people’s feelings. If you ask me a question, I will be honest, but I never want anyone to feel bad about themselves after reading my blog.
With that being said, I don’t ever want to feel bad about MYSELF by reading your comments. I have been very lucky so far, and haven’t really had to deal with nasty comments (you guys are awesome, by the way!) I don’t know why some people feel the need to say rude and unkind things, regardless of how “true” they may be. I like to think of it like this: When I read someone’s blog, it’s like I am their “guest” and I am not going to go disrespect someone in their own “home” when I am stopping by as a guest.
There is ONE exception to my rule, and here it is: If the blogger asks a direct question and is wanting feedback. That is the only time I would possibly ever think about saying something that the blogger may not like, but even then, it’s questionable and totally taken on a case by case basis.
So….this topic leads me to my question. How do YOU handle the “not so nice” that stop by your “home?” Some people choose to delete the comment so that no one sees/it never existed. Some people block the commenter as spam. Some people leave the comment and kill the writer with kindness, and others choose to rip them a new one (that is, if your other awesome commenters haven’t already done so for you!)
It really is a delicate situation, and as a blogger, I think it is important for you to be proactive, and think about how you personally would handle the situation should it arise. Don’t wait until it happens and you answer out of anger, hurt feelings, etc.
One thing I am personally working on is not being so sensitive. I have dealt with several situations in the past few years, most dealing with online people, that have left me feeling hurt and upset. I tend to dwell on the situation, run it over in my head, and try and figure out what it is I did wrong, why this person doesn’t like me, what I could have done differently. Then I get frustrated with myself for letting it ruin my day and upset me. I am slowly growing thicker skin though, and trying to focus on the fact that even if I have one or two people that DON’T like me, I have a ton of other friends/family etc. that DO love me, and care about what I have to say. Sometimes it is easier said than done, but I am REALLY trying to take the high road and laugh things off.
Honestly, I feel a little sorry for people who feel like they have to come out and be mean for some reason, or be passive aggressively mean. They are obviously sad with their life in some way, bored, or jealous, and definitely not happy with their own life if they are busy torturing you! So, chin up! If someone (in real life, or online) says something not so nice to you, be prepared with a response, and be prepared with how you are going emotionally handle it! Just remember you are loved, and this will pass!
QOTD: How do you handle negative comments, either on your blog or in real life?
Interesting post. I’m new to blogging so haven’t experienced any negativity on my own blog. However I’ve watched a lot of drama and debate occur on other blogs in the past. From this it seems that one of two things has happened. 1) Most of the time it is easy to see when someone is trolling – just looking to kick up a fuss and get a reaction out of the blog owner/other commenters. 2) In a few cases, it’s not so easy to identify if someone is just being rude or if they have forgotten that this is the internet and we don’t get to hear their tone of voice. I think this leads to an even smaller number of cases where I’ve seen commenters express a different point of view (in what appeared to be a polite way) only to get ripped to shreds by other commenters (perhaps other people didn’t interpret it as polite? Or maybe I thought it was polite when it wans’t meant to be? I don’t know).
I think the second point is definitely the most problematic and difficult to deal with.
I agree. tone can be SO misconstrued over the internet!
Great post especially give the comments on Mega Nerd Run’s blog. I have a relatively new blog so I have been fortunate enough not to have rude comments. But I am sure it will happen at some point as there are just mean spirited readers out there. I think you’re so right that it’s important to have thick skin to just move forward and be confident in yourself.
Great Post! 🙂
thanks! thick skin is def a learning process!
Great post! Negative things directed towards me always used to bother me. Then a few years ago I realized I can’t make everyone like me and that’s perfectly fine. And if someone is just outwardly being cruel, then obviously they’re the one with the issue!
exactly. 🙂
I am super sensitive, too, even if I don’t even know the person delivering the criticism! I try to tell myself “it doesn’t matter”, over and over, but it can be so tricky! Love your analogy about visiting someone else’s home!
haha I do that same thing, trying to tell myself it doesn’t matter lol!
Because blogs are public and open for anyone to view, I think you have to expect that there will be negative feedback from time to time. That being said, I have NO problem with constructive criticism or comments that may seem negative but are helpful.
I love that you refer to reading someone’s blog as being like “stopping by their home.” It’s important to be honest, but it’s also important to maintain some sense of politeness. Feedback is almost always welcome in this community, but it’s crucial that the feedback remain helpful and truthful.
I love this post! Nicely written.
thanks Ali! I agree. I am all for constructive criticism presented in a polite and helpful way. it is important to do it correctly bc words can be so misconstrued on the internet b/c you can’t sense tone, etc!
Good post, we haven’t had anything bad on our blog yet in almost 2 years, we did have 1 grouchy runner who commented on one of Ryan’s race reports (from an 18 mile mountain and extremely technical trail race) saying how easy the trail was and that it wasn’t a big deal and if he wanted a real challenge he should do such and such a race, nothing bad, just a jealous runner.
I agree with you about being a guest but i think the real thing to remember is that the reader CHOSE to read your blog. If someone doens’t like the blog then why are they reading it? Some people have to say mean things in order to make themselves feel better. I try not to be sensitive to things altho it can certainly be hard. I htink when people are mean it is there way of expressing jealousy, feelings of threats/competition and it’s how they feel power over people and how they feel better about themselves.I feel sorry for those people!!!!
This is a great post Heather. I hate it when people are so negative, because like you, I try to be positive about everything!
I am pretty new to blogging, so I feel lucky to have not encountered anything mean yet. I’m not really sure how I’d handle it, but knowing that I try to be a positive person, I’d probably kill them with kindness or just delete the negativity!
your comment went to my spam for some reason!
good luck and I hope you never encounter mean commentors!
Girl. I could have written this. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO MEAN?? I don’t get it. I had my first negative comment last week, but then I realized I actually knew the person in real life and we have had words. So, I can’t count that. I chose to delete the comments, disable anonymous comments, and the person just created an account to comment meanly. So, I left it alone. I’m ignoring. Or trying to for now! 🙂
How can anyone not like you, the tone on your blog is so positive and nice. I think some people have problems, and feel that putting other people down makes them feel better, and feel that doing so on the internet is “safe”. Its something with them, not you!
I used to have a blog on our local paper’s website. I quit because of the negative comments, which I still have mixed feelings about. I’m not a quitter, and I know that their comments shouldn’t have affected me. However, at the time I had just had my first baby, and felt that I didn’t want my wonderful experiences with having my first child affected by someone’s negative opinion of me.
thanks so much for the sweet encouragement!
It sounds like you made a good decision!
I just ignore the meanies. Eventually they will stop as they’re only trying to get a reaction from you. If it’s just constructive criticism I thank them for their input and take the pieces I can use and throw the rest away :).
I’ve been on the DIS boards for awhile and I recently discovered there are other websites completely devoted to tearing some people on the DIS apart from either what they wear in pictures or things they post about. Those kind of insults are easier to deal with as it makes you realize that a) some people have A LOT of time to waste and b) God created you to be you; who cares if they don’t like you? or what you wear or say? They don’t even know you! God wants us to love everyone and we have to be the example of that. When reading something negative about myself (that is just a mean or hurtful comment) I will say out loud “I hope God blesses you and you find happiness in your life”. That usually makes the hurt disappear 🙂 Great blog and post!
so interesting you bring that up…I know what board you are talking about…and I’ll bet some good money if you search back far enough you will find some things on there about me….maybe….ok, you will.
Lol, me too
I LOVE this post. You hit the nail on the head so many times! You go girl!!!! :0)
P.S. – You DO have a lot of friends that love you…so don’t let the poo-heads of this world get you down! :0)
Love that last picture, by the way! Hehehe Good times, good times!! :0)
thanks girl 🙂
I’ve never had that bad of a comment on the blog. I’m a very sensitive person, so there have been real life comments that have really hurt me. Last week in fact, a coworker said something so rude I was almost equally shocked as I was hurt. I took a deep breath and told myself that he has no social skills, so I should just ignore and forget him.
Great post, and I think that it IS important to think ahead about this issue, both in real life and on your blog! When it comes to handling situations, I try to remember healthy boundaries- I am responsible for my own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I cannot control another person’s, and I can’t let them have control of my thoughts, feelings, or behaviors. So as long as I’m being responsible for my “stuff” (i.e. not being rude to others, being irresponsible, saying hurtful things, etc…), then I’m ok. If someone is choosing to not be responsible for their “stuff”, then that’s their issue. I haven’t had the experience on the blog yet, but as long as I know I’m being responsible, then I use the phrase “It’s Not About Me”. Instead of ruminating on what they said I repeat that every time I think of the situation. This helps to redirect my thoughts to what’s healthy and TRUE.
Ohhh girl, this is such a well-thought out comment, I agree with everything you said!!! I always love hearing what you have to say, Karolina!!!
Excellent post! I, too, am a sensitive person – along with being a people-pleaser. Therefore, I usually take things personally. However, recently I’ve been doing a lot better at getting the thick skin you mentioned. It’s definitely not easy – but it’s needed (unfortunately) in this day and age.
Thanks for tackling this issue – it’s one we need to consider more!
Great post! I love your analogy comparing blog reading to being a guest in another person’s home. I have been lucky enough not to experience hurtful comments or criticisms on my blog and for that I am grateful. I think there is a tactful way to give constructive criticism or disagree when a blogger when it is warranted, but mean-spirited remarks and personal attacks are never necessary. That said, I do think that bloggers need to be careful when handling these situations, so they do not bring unnecessary attention to such negativity. Nicely done, Heather!
You can’t make everyone happy. Plus, many people tend to get offended at the smallest perceived slight. With that combination, it’s a wonder we’re not discussing this everyday. Still, if I find a comment to be just plain cruel, I’ll delete it and block the commenter forever. If it’s meant to incite constructive debate but I might not like it, I let it be. You have to figure out your own MO but stick to it. Good post, always interesting to read up on this.
I am so very uch working on this very thing! I fight being so sensitive!