Let’s face it. We all do it…Taking 25 photos to get the perfect shot for Instagram. We change the lighting, telling our kids to smile or they aren’t getting dessert, and frantically try to get the perfect shot before someone has a meltdown (I may or may not be talking about myself with the meltdowns.)
Social media is a beautiful thing that has bridged a gap so that we can be friends with people easily from around the world. However, with it has become a trap that you may not even be aware you have fallen into.
There are actually two sides the to this trap, the side of the photo taker and the side of the photo viewer. I have been on both sides and I fear unintentionally made someone to feel that my life is all butterflies and rainbows and perfectly posed photos that I get right on the first try. As a viewer, it’s so easy to get caught in the comparison trap “oh looks, she is taking her kids to the park AGAIN. I haven’t taken mine in weeks, I’m a bad mom.” Or, “she’s at the gym again, she takes the perfect mirror selfie and looks awesome after a sweat session!” Or, “her baby is perfect. She is always smiling or laughing in photos. I bet she takes long naps every day and never cries!”
I can assure you, what you see in my Instagram feed is NOT my reality. But let’s face it, we all want to look nice and no one wants to see pictures of a crying baby, so we do our best to show our “best” side, while at the same time potentially making people assume untrue things about our lives. Let me give you some examples I randomly pulled from my instagram:
This picture was taken just about 5 minutes before I got a phone call from my mom that my dad was taken to the ER for a terrible allergic reaction after he passed out. It was a few days before Christmas and I was FREAKING OUT. It wasn’t quite the cute little “daddy playing with baby” scene after that.
The following photo was labeled our “first walk as a family.” I had built up this moment in my head, with visions of Bobby and I walking hand in hand while the baby cooed, and the dogs healed happily at our sides and it was the perfect temperature outside. Heh. Bobby and I actually ended up getting into a fight on our first walk! I was upset because it wasn’t going as “planned”. The baby was crying, it was REALLY windy and the blanket wasn’t staying on the carset to cover the baby, further annoying her (and me). All I asked Bobby to do was KEEP THE DOGS OUT OF THE WAY OF THE STROLLER WHEELS so I didn’t run them over, and well, let’s just say he needs some work on how to handle dog leashes. I just wanted to go back to the house and forget it ever happened. Sigh.
Oh look at the cute first photo of the new family of three in the hospital. It looks like baby is happily eating and mom and dad are thrilled with their little bundle of joy. Oh boy. Emma Kate was jaundiced because she wasn’t getting enough to eat because I was producing zero milk. I was in an excruciating about of pain with a huge ice pack shoved into my giant mesh panties. I was so tired I just wanted to cry, and people kept coming in at all hours to take my blood, give me medicine, have me feed the baby and what not, so I was quite delirious. I honestly don’t even remember this picture being taken.
Ah, this one is a gem. Worst. Disney. Trip. Ever. and it was totally and 100% my fault. This was during the 2014 Princess half marathon, at the height of my morning sickness and exhaustion during pregnancy. I have never KNOWN such exhaustion. I used to think staying up late to study in college and surviving on a 30 minute nap was exhausting. I was running the 5k, 10k, and half marathon and no one knew I was pregnant except my family and a couple friends. My parents went with us, and we had a big beautiful club level room at the Boardwalk with a great view. I stayed in bed about 80% of the trip, ate no yummy food, and was mean to everyone. I knew I was doing it I just couldn’t help it. Crazy pregnancy hormones for the win. I would literally get out of bed, eat breakfast, then be so exhausted I had to go sleep for 3 hours. Poor Bobby just hung out in the room with me and my parents went off to the parks. I am still not sure how I ran all three races without dying or killing someone. I have cried about this trip because I knew it would be our last chance to travel before baby, and I was “ruining” it. So “yay” for the fun balcony pic with all my bling and weeeee I’m in Disney World! Excuse me while I go vomit over the railing. 
Then there is poor sweet Emma Kate. Judging by my feed you would think the child is always laughing. You should see the out takes. I take anywhere from 10-30 pictures of her and the chalkboard every month, and get maybe 2-3 “keepers”. Homegirl can make some faces.
Don’t forget about the beautiful “I’m just chillin in Los Angeles, oh look it’s the ocean from my balcony!” pic. This was taken literally seconds after I got out of bed. The view was beautiful so I thought I could try to do some artsy creative “good morning from LA” shot. There is one tiny problem, I am neither artsy nor creative. I got some hilarious outtakes from this one. Because of the angle of the sun, I had to keep turning my phone certain ways or the sun was DIRECTLY IN MY EYES burning holes in my corneas. Those were keepers. Not.
I love candid shots, and this one came out really cute, except you could see some serious wrinkles around my eyes in the color shot. Enter black and white! There, now don’t I look about 18? I wish.
This is an old one, taken back in the fall of 2012. I was struggling with major anxiety during this time due to some personal and job stuff with my husband, and the side effect was bad stomach issues. This in turn caused me to drop about 15 pounds. This is the thinnest I had been since high school, and I was so sick I could barely eat. People kept telling me how good I looked, but if only they knew the crap I was going though and I was not intentionally trying to lose weight. I was really unhappy but “I feel great I just ran 18 miles!” Still not sure how I pulled that off on my 500 calorie a day anxiety diet.
And finally, another attempt at being artsy. I was on the Santa Monica Pier and wanted a cool medal shot. The only problem was the sun was beating down and I couldn’t see the screen on my phone. I took no less than 20 shots and just crossed my fingers that when I got back to the hotel where I could actually see that ONE of the photos came out ok. Aren’t I cool?
So, as you can see, my life is messy, unpredictable, and boring. Not to mention all the mundane in between days where I don’t have anything exciting to post. For instance, I posted a picture yesterday of my dog in a laundry basket. That was about the most photo worthy thing that happened all day, I kid you not.
And don’t get me started on filters. They can really turn a photo around, and I very rarely post a “no filter” photo unless it’s of my dog in a laundry basket. She looks adorable in any lighting.
So what is my point to all of this? I guess just to take social media with a grain of salt. Yes I have gotten the opportunity to do some awesome things and go to fun places, but most of my life is your everyday mundane stuff like doing mountains of laundry, cleaning spit up off my pajama pants, and making tacos for the third time this week. But who wants to see pictures of that? I don’t think anyone is “at fault” here, I just want everyone to be careful to guard your minds from falling into the comparison trap based solely on the Instagram life. I can promise you the person behind the photos is struggling with SOMETHING, so let’s not forget that we are all fighting battles, and sometimes it’s ok to just be real. #NoFilter.
QOTD: What are your thoughts on Instagram photos and the comparison trap? Have you fallen for it?
Heather,
Thank you so much for posting this!! I have followed your blog as well as a few others for years. It is so easy to fall into that trap of comparing yourself to others and with social media it has become even easier! Too many pictures of photo worthy dinners, pristine and beautiful shots of numerous events and vacations and a million posts that make it feel like you shouldn’t feel proud you put on “real” pants that day! You are awesome! Thank you for always being so real!
you are welcome 🙂
I always like to say social media is like a really well edited version of our own reality show. I love that you shared the other side of the story.
that’s a great way to put it!
Great post! It’s so nice to hear that I’m not the only one who has experienced both sides of this. Thank you for being so real!
anytime! 🙂
Awesome post! I love your blog!
thanks so much 🙂
So true! Social media is definitely only a highlights reel. At the same time, I regret posting pictures on my blog of my son crying as a baby or feeling sick. I don’t want to appear all rainbows and butterflies, but I also don’t want to share pictures of my kids during such vulnerable moments. It’s hard striking a balance of being real while staying somewhat guarded!
it is def. tough, I just don’t ever want people to think my kid never cries. Those pics will be good for when he gets his first girlfriend 🙂
Love this! Reality of it all is right there. Being on both sides of this too, its great you showed that it’s not all what you think it is. Maybe we should all do a post like this and link it up. You rock!
sounds fun 😉
Great post with very valid points. I think we all go through this in one way or another!
yup!
I love this post! My Instagram pics are by far not what my real life is like! I had to laugh at several of the stories behind your pictures. Especially the baby shots! I remember when my two boys were younger I would take about a million shots of them just to get that one perfect one! 😉
it’s so hard to get a baby to look at the camera!
Last night I skipped my workout and ate Panda Express in my bed before passing out around 9:45pm. Nothing glamorous about real life. Nothing at all 🙂 Thanks for posting this.
I was in bed at 8:45 and asleep by 9:10 #TrueStory
I love this post!! It is so so nice to hear someone being so honest! I find it is usually HLbloggers and running bloggers that are honest, the lifestyle and fashion bloggers hardly ever admit to being anything other than omg perfect all the time! Thanks for sharing – and you’ve got yourself a new reader 🙂
Thanks for reading. Welcome to my boring life 🙂 haha!
yep! It’s true! Thanks for putting it into words! I think people don’t realize either that some people instagram and facebook kids so much because grandparents Aren’t nearby and for me at least, my parents love keeping up with us day to day. I do a lot for them! My mom especially loves to see my girls daily and what we do. I love seeing your posts, since I’ve followed you for awhile. Your baby is adorable and she’s got a future as a hair model! Haha!
haha yes she has so much hair!
Oh yes, I fall into the comparison trap often. It has definitely been the source of a lot of my anxiety and stress over the past year or so. I have to tell myself, this is not their real life all the time, and that has definitely helped a lot. Thanks for the great read.
no problem 🙂
Great post! I think it’s very much like old photo albums from family trips. There aren’t any photos of the kids melting down or parents yelling at each, or teenagers and parents fighting. The pictures show the fun parts, not the behind the scenes drama. But I find the drama is the stuff that can be laughed at when it’s over.
yes!
Great post! This is an example of why I enjoy following your blog so much, you are always honest about the good, the bad, and the ugly. There’s been other blogs that I’ve stopped following because they just weren’t honest and focused too much on the perfect/filtered parts of life. Fact is, no one’s life is perfect and we all have challenges everyday, big or small, and I just can’t relate to any writer that only shows the good side. So thanks again for your honesty and staying real!
No problem! I pride myself in being real, so thank you for the compliment.
Thank you for an excellent post! Keep up the good work and thanks for keepin’ it real!
anytime!
I think it’s always interesting taking a peek in someone else’s life. Thanks for keeping it real. Silly question, but what is a filter?
When you can change the different coloring a of Instagram photos along the bottom, those are called filters 🙂
yep! Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this important issue!
no problem 🙂
Great post! We are all guilty of over-thinking Instagram–and not paying attention to the bigger picture around the photo! Well done.
thanks!
Great post Heather! I definitely fall into the social media comparison trap from time to time. Would love to see an “out take” post of all the photos that didn’t make it on to instagram! I
In a world where social media is in constant use, its hard to not compare ourselves to others. But as you said, most people only share what they have to brag about on social media, not the bad or the ugly. Its a hard thing to remember, but so important to remember that there is a story behind a picture that we as the viewer will never know the full extent of.
Such a true, true post! I love Instagram and Facebook and other social media, but you are right! There is definitely a tendency to make comparisons to what we “see” online from our friends and then over-analyze our own lives. Thanks for reminding us all to keep things in perspective. 🙂
Just a short amd sweet comment, I LOVE this post!!! Thank you so much for taking the time to write it and share it 🙂 On a side note, I’ve been following your blog for years and just love it. Thanks so much for taking the time to blog for all of us!
AH! I LOVE THIS POST!!! I love to hear the STORIES BEHIND THE PHOTOS!!! I want to do something like this! HA! 😉
Oh and as for the comparison thing… NEVER do it. Not on IG, not in real life. NO WHERE! I am just me being me! lol
Social media has definitely made it a lot easier to compare anything in life these days. The important thing to remember is that no one’s life is all that perfect, and I remind myself of that frequently. I’m lucky to have a few gals at the office and we share all of life’s imperfect moments. There’s something about the people who see you for a bazilion hours each week…they always seem to hear it all! 🙂
Love. Thank you for being authentic and honest. I wish more people were! The ‘first walk’ photo made me lol. Just because I’ve taken a few photos with Travis after we did something fun (hike, go out to eat, etc.) where we got into some stupid fight while we were there. I think it would be great if we got a photo mid-fight next time. I don’t think he’d go for it though!
LOVE this post! Thanks for keeping it real and getting a great message out there…..this is why your blog is a must-read for me!
Ah I needed to see this post! I have taken a little unexpected hiatus from blogging lately. I have some personal stuff going on with my kiddos and even though I’ve hinted at them I’m not ready to share them yet. That would mean I’m a real mom with real issues! Just thinking about writing these days is exhausting and terrifying, so I just don’t even bother. Add in the fact that I just opened up a new business I don’t feel like making time for blogging. Thanks for reminding me that it’s ok to be perfectly imperfect! 🙂