I’m going to admit something really embarrassing. The other day I almost had a panic attack. The reasoning is so ridiculous y’all. I know I seem bubbly on IG, and I am around friends, but when I know no one but everyone seems to know each other and no one is talking to me…yeah, panic attack.
We were at the playground for a back to school event for all the rising 4K kids at Emma Kate’s new school. They all knew each other. I knew no one. Not only that but…let’s just say I may not fit in with most of the moms. I wear yoga pants to dinner 9and well, everywhere else.) I don’t drive a fancy car or have the matching designer bag that literally 75% of the moms were carrying around. Not that there’s anything wrong with those things in themselves, it’s just not me. It also made me feel less than because we can’t afford those things. They may be lovely people, but at that moment, I panicked. I HAD TO GO SIT IN THE CAR TO COLLECT MYSELF.
Y’all. I’m a grown woman. I was so embarrassed as I sat there in the car. Embarrassed that I let something so silly get to me. Embarrassed that I was projecting the personalities of these people without even meeting them or giving them a shot. Embarrassed that my daughter was out there playing just fine with kids she didn’t know and her mom couldn’t handle it. Embarrassed that I allowed people that have more and better “stuff” than I do make me feel like less of an important or worthy person to be in that group.
I totally admit that this was all in my head and no one has actually done anything to make me feel inferior. I did it to myself.
That night I sat and thought about everything that transpired, and realized the problem is with me. As a type 3 on the enneagram, one of my biggest flaws is that I believe people place value on me for what I can do, what I offer, or what I have and not just based on who I am as a person stripped away of all that nonsense. (All my fellow 3’s are nodding along RN!) I struggle with this in friend groups as well, and always feel like I’m just on the outskirts of the group, not funny enough or smart enough or rich enough to really be in the “inner circle.” Silly right? Silly, but in my mind, it was and often is my truth. The truth that I let keep me up at night, that makes me say awkward things in front of people, and that makes me sometimes try too hard to be liked.
So I say this to myself, to my fellow 3’s, and to anyone who is feeling less than today because they feel they don’t have enough to offer in order to be liked:
You are enough.
You are enough without your job
You are enough without your kids’ successes
You are enough without your hobbies and your accolades
You are enough without the fancy clothes
You are enough without the huge salary
You are enough without the highest position at work
You are enough and worthy to be loved just as you are. ️God thought so highly of you, that He decided this world needed someone EXACTLY uniquely you, and he sent his son to die for you, even if you were the only person in this world. Don’t give in to the lies that you have to be a certain thing to be “worth it.” If people make you feel that way, then find new people.
You are welcome in my house any time in yoga pants, in your crappy car, with your unbrushed hair crying about how much of a jerk your kid is being today. You are enough stripped down to just “you” without all the extra “stuff.” The stuff isn’t bad my friends, it’s the motivation behind the stuff, just don’t let it define you or gauge your worth!
I get you, mama, I see you today, and you are enough. <3
Related: A word for 2019